i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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