what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
