lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
