apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
