I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
