Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize