He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize