got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Boobs are out for the taking
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
