um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
