I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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