I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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