I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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