That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
