i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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