I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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