end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
