Betty ford says i'm here all night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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