I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
