Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
