Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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