How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
