Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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