Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
