We won't sleep together?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
