fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
