I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do herpes really smell.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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