Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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