Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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