the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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