Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
