But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you would pick up someone in the library
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
