if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
