did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
