if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
