I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
