isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
