cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
