Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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