We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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