Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize