My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
