Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
