you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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