U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
