it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
