i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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