We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
