I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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