I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
