11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
