he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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