Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
