I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize