Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
