so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
