Don't make out with my wife yet
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize