ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
