saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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