this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
