Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The uberlube is also flammable
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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