Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
