My liver just broke up with me...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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