please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
