so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
