If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize